A dog's special licking ability is no gift.

I've heard it many times, "Dogs are so lucky.  I'd just lay around and do nothing too if I could lick my own dick.  They've got it made!"
No, they don't.  It's a frikin nightmare.  Even though they can get their head down there, they can only give themselves shitty blow jobs.  All they can do is lick - not suck.  Think about your last shitty blow job.  Probably a lot of licking and very little sucking.  Certainly no serious or deep sucking.  Dogs live tortured lives.  They've been given the flexibility we sadly lack, but they can't use a straw...