Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Charlie Sheen/Carlos Estevez comes off as a person I'd like to talk and think with; someone I'd like to befriend. But I'm such a money grubbing prick!

Being honest, genuine, true to one's self, and the like, is not the simple matter it should be.  We are bombarded with powerful images and sounds influencing our behavior and personality at a level never before seen in recorded history.  These influences can easily overwhelm the conscious self, resulting in people unknowingly just acting as amplifiers of whatever stimulus happened to sink the deepest hook.  So, it takes a continuous, conscious effort to be one's self, to be genuine.  I believe in the value of that effort and rarely do I encounter people willing to maintain that level of honesty in the face of popular disapproval.

From my incredibly limited exposure to and totally inadequate knowledge of Carlos Estevez (formerly Charlie Sheen) I believe he is of the rare few (regardless of fame) willing to face scrutiny, criticism, and disapproval for the sake of being genuine and consistently honest.  I like to believe that we share an uncommon respect for honesty.

Whenever I see him in interviews and whatnot, I always find myself wishing I had a personal relationship with him - even though I really don't know him AT ALL.  Then I look a little closer to me and I see my lust and envy of his wealth. Yuck! There's always that little voice saying, "He could cut you a check large enough to end every last problem you currently have and not notice a single penny spent."  The fantasy blooms...  Eric and Carlos, arm in arm, skipping through some cliche, sunny, nature landscape, giggling and flinging hundred dollar bills into the air from a basket as if they were rose petals...  Just shoot me.  No, wait, that's not as clever as I'd hoped.  He wasn't on that show.  Anyway...  It's like a new girlfriend, you fill in all the gaps in your knowledge of the person with your highest hopes and then proceed to slowly be let down as the truth is revealed.  Except the fantasy just goes on and on, 'cause I'll never know the prick.

Whatever.  I just hated the fact that I'm more attracted to him (as a person.  No, I don't want to butt fuck him or lick his sack.) ...attracted to him because he has money.  Goddamn it.  Fuckin money.  It's always money...  Just shoot me...  two and a half times?  Never mind, that was gay.

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