In The Bible's Genesis, which ONE acts virtuously? Adam, Eve, Lord God, or the Serpent

The Serpent is the ONLY one that DOESN'T behave like a scum bag!   ...and I'll prove it...

Consider this objective reading and citing of simple story elements:

God to Adam @ Tree -Good & Evil: "thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die."

• In the day that Adam eatests of the tree, he most surely does NOT die. The threat of death was therefore UNTRUE.

"And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;" 

• LORD God essentially "roofies" Adam, in order to steal his rib.  Not a very honest approach. Manipulative at best, deceptive at worst...

The exact words of the serpent:

"Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?"

• A simple question of clarification. Nothing evil there.

"Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil."

• Well, the serpent makes an assertion in contradiction to LORD God's words to Adam, thus far...  Let's see what proves true...

The first words of the line following A&E eating:

"And the eyes of them both were opened"

Well, the first half of the serpent's statement is held true...

Then, LG speaking to "Other Gods?"

"And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever:"

As clearly shown in bold, The second half of the serpent's statement is proven true...

IT IS THUS EXPLICITLY SHOWN THAT EVERY STATEMENT MADE BY THE SERPENT WAS CONFIRMED AS TRUE - TO THE WORD.  The only other words uttered by the serpent was a single, benign question.  He has shown no deception, no manipulation, no dishonesty, no hint of evil whatsoever. 

Surely the other characters will hold up equally well under the same scrutiny...

Turning to LORD God... He has already shown some less than Godly behavior earlier in the story, but let's see if he can redeem himself. LORD God's next two statements are:

"And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?"

"And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?"

What happened to "All Knowing" and "All Powerful"?  Well there are two possibilities: Either LORD God ISN'T All Knowing & Powerful, OR he's teasing Adam and falsely showing ignorance - akin to a mean spirited and deceptive child.  Either way, LORD God is only falling further and further from grace...

We are now at Ch. 3 Verse 12 - each verse begins providing information about the characters at this point so I'll look at them and each verse's meaning in sequence:

12  And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

• When questioned as to his actions, Adam immediately dodges taking responsibility for his actions, implies that it is partially LORD God's fault! and part Eve's fault.  But, to his credit, he does then make a clear, honest statement of what he did.

13  And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

• So LG coolly ignores Adams insult regarding his fault and moves on to interrogating the woman.  Eve, just as Adam did, immediately deflects the blame, this time claiming the serpent "beguiled" her, thus making it his fault.  She then honestly admits to eating from the tree. 
• Did the serpent "beguile" her?  Conventional interpretations take her at her word (as does LORD God), but that is based on prejudice towards the serpent.  His track record is spotless thus far, which I believe earns him a second, fair look as to his guilt or innocence of "beguiling" Eve.  -- He DID in fact initiate the conversation and subject.  But is that trickery or deception? Well that's now a matter of motivation.  To look at it most simply, we can infer that the serpent had heard of LORD God's threat about the Tree of Knowledge.  As we have already shown, he had awareness that LG's threat of death was an exaggeration and untrue.  I assert that, as any decent person would do, upon observing someone being undeservedly deceived, you let them know the truth.  Which is PRECISELY what he did. He laid some TRUTH on Eve.  He then elaborated, explaining LG's motivation for lying about the consequences of eating from the tree - thus giving his statement some merit beyond just his word vs. LG's.  Understand here, HE'S TELLING HER THE TRUTH of the Tree situation.  The spreading of truth is NOT beguiling.  At NO point did the serpent EVER say Eve should defy LG's or even eat from the tree.  He merely shined the light of truth on the situation in the garden - as Lucifer is wont to do...   The serpent is innocent.  He did not deceive.  He did not beguile.  The defiance of LG's orders is all Eve's own creation, Eve's will, Eve's decision, based on her new, more accurate understanding of the Tree matter.  Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying she made the right decision, I'm just saying to throw the blame on the serpent is unjust, unfairly prejudiced, and simply wrong; when you take an objective view of the events and the least convoluted deductions of  character motivation.   Moving on...

14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

• With no consideration of the serpent whatsoever, LG takes the word of Eve, the person that just defied his Holy Word, to be unquestionably true - condemning  and punishing the serpent with righteous injustice and without wrong doing by the serpent.  ...Just another example of less than Godly behavior/judgment.

15-19 Is just LORD God dolling out his punishments on A&E (far short of Death, I must point out)

20 is nonsense in English.

21 LORD God kills some of his creations and makes more formidable coverings than the fig aprons A&E had made - and affirming their decision to cover up their shameful bodies.  ...did LG just cringe everytime he laid eyes on A&E prior to their covering themselves?  HE knew their nakedness was shameful and evil - he just didn't mention it - like letting someone walk around with a bugger hanging out of their nose - ANOTHER dick move on LG's part...

22 LG's confirmation of the serpent's true statements...

23, 24 LG casts his gardener slaves out of the garden to fend for themselves...

Thus it is CLEARLY SHOWN:  The Serpent was honest, truthful, and forthcoming, LORD God was dishonest and unfair, and Adam & Eve were mostly honest, but of poor character.  

STOP THE UNFAIR TRASHING OF SERPENTS.  
...they don't even have arms or legs - give 'em a break!

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