Thursday, March 21, 2013

After 15 (mostly good) years, today I filed for divorce from Verizon Wireless.

Oh god...  back to the cellular dating scene...  smokey bars, watered down drinks, fake laughs, bad breath, and sagging tits.  Maybe I should just...     NO!  I'm ending the abuse now! Here!

In a very short amount of time, two years?, Verizon Wireless has gone from being the model, premiere cellular service provider to the leading example of a corporation raping its loyal client base for every nickel they can suck out of 'em before... We'll just have to wait and see.  That's just how the future works.  Nothing I can do about it.

I was so bent out of shape and disappointed after becoming convinced that Verizon's plummet to the "AT&T Service Level"
was not just a few incidents, but a calculated (incorrectly) change in Verizon's general business strategy, that I felt I had to express myself fully and honestly before I'd ever gain some closure on this shocking failed relationship.

I present for your contemplation, my "Dear John" to Verizon Wireless...

I have been a Verizon customer since what seems like the dawn of time (about 13yrs).  I currently have 3 lines, all of which are due for contract renewal/upgrades.  My primary line also has a $50 loyalty discount. I've been researching iPhones (4s&5).  I had the 1st with AT&T but the service downgrade from Verizon was so unbearable (& I needed a physical keyboard) that I had to abandon my iPhone dream (I still had 1 or 2 lines with Verizon).

I cough up around $250/mo. for my phones.  As a result of this plump monthly average, my long relationship with Verizon, and my eagerness to buy new products (until recent $ issues), Verizon has always gone the extra mile to give me special discounts and extra deals on my phone upgrades. While +/- $50 isn't going to break Verizon's or my bank, it's the gesture and "extra perk" that makes me feel valued and special.  From the beginning, it was this type of customer service that placed Verizon alongside customer service legends like Geico and Apple (well, the old Apple).

My experience of late has not followed in this tradition in a number of specific ways:

1. The discontinuance of the Unltd. Data package AND EVEN WORSE are the coercive means you are using to force people off the plan.  You even rub our nose in the raw deal being jammed down our throats when you place the old plan and the new plans side by side during the phone upgrade process.  To see Unltd. Data - 29.99 right alongside 2GB - $30, 5GB - $50, 10GB - $80 is really quite audacious and offensive.  It's even more so when considered in light of your competitors' pricing for Unlimited Everything.

2. Giving me discounts beyond those online and getting free phones every two years (usually sooner) have been two of the primary hooks that made me look the other way when it comes to Verizon's higher pricing.  The iPhone 4s is being offered to me for $50.  That tells me I can get it free if I ask for it and maybe get help from a Supervisor.  NO IT DOESN'T.  Not anymore.  Verizon would rather me not renew than give me a $50 break.  Fine.

3. The iPhone 4 is being offered free, maybe I should go that route instead...  NOPE.  There are no free phones with the "$30 upgrade fee" tacked on there at the bottom.  WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!?!  An upgrade fee?  Really?  For doing what?  Does the CEO's nephew need a new Porsche?  What happened to "free upgrades"?  Sugar coating your attempts to milk your customers for every last dollar doesn't veil your (not YOU, but Verizon's) ...doesn't veil your aggressive, greedy, money grabbing.  It's repugnant.  Oh yeah, isn't there some other five or ten dollar charge? I can't remember, but I think it puts the cost of a "Free Phone" up around $40. [...retch..]

4.  What's the big secret/problem with Pix Place?  Why is it next to impossible to get to the website? In fact, given the bright, creative minds there must be at Verizon,  why is the Verizon site so poorly organized/laid out?  Of course a good portion of it makes sense and can be efficiently navigated, but too much of it seems designed by a 'C' Student that types with just his index fingers.

5.  Thank you for continuing to insult me by offering your sophisticated "Account Analysis" tool (yes, this is dripping with sarcasm).  Analysis?  How can you offer a tool that looks at a client's 1400 minute psychic prediction but has a monthly average usage of 500 minutes and concludes that I am on the right plan and no change is necessary...  So the less expensive, 700 minute plan isn't a better fit based on my usage?  Really?  Moving on...

6.  The final issue isn't new, but it is in the spirit of Verizons new corporate attitude.  This has burned in my heart for quite some time and I'm dying to get an answer.  What purpose is served by having me make a psychic prediction each month about the coming month's usage amount?  I don't have to do that for a land line?  or my electricity? or natural gas & water?  Why? Why can't we be billed like any other utility (I know, but soon cel phones WILL be a utility).  Ah Ha!  That's what problem #1 is all about!  Getting the psychic prediction ripoff, I mean billing method, in place for data usage because someday, voice and text will be phased out by the internet and the sooner it's in place, the less likely consumers will make a stink about its ridiculous, unfair nature and simply accept it as normal.  ...Dirty...

Anyway, if you would like to hire me to fix ANY of these problems and create corporate structures to prevent such misdirection in the future,  feel free to submit an offer to my gmail account.   Regardless of that, I look forward to your response.

Thank you for your extended time and effort,

Eric Parslow

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